Social influences shape your future. Here’s what to do about it.

We humans are social creatures. We try to fit in and do crazy things to be accepted. Doesn’t smoking and doing dangerous things often result from this desire? But we forget that our fears often times backfire and ruin our attempts to be really successful. Here’s how our social circumstances impact our future.

Living within a society is indispensable in today’s world. Society is the bedrock of progress and peace, enabling individuals to dedicate their time and effort to develop specialized skills.

We have to bear in mind, however, that this comes at a cost. In order to simplify life, the whole construct ‘society’ comes with a set of rules. They are presented to us like rock-like truths, like scientific facts. Depending on your circumstances, you will have flawed people around you — sinful, lazy and envious human beings. Naturally, you will find yourself taking these people as reference. If you do just as good (or bad?) as them, you feel like you have accomplished a lot. Not to say you didn’t. Depending on your environment, your standards may be really high. But this doesn’t translate into really accomplishing everything you are capable of. Allah (SWT) says in the Qur’an:

˹O Prophet!˺ If you were to obey most of those on earth, they would lead you away from Allah’s Way. They follow nothing but assumptions and do nothing but lie.

6:116

Doing what everybody else does, is average by definition. For the world to be a better place, we must build upon the blessings of our ancestors and improve — be it professionally, financially or simply as humans. Taking most people as role models will therefore not bring you very far in life.

“If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.”

Anatole France

Now that we understand the danger of taking mediocre people around us as examples, let’s explore a way to minimize this influence.

One effective solution is to seek role models outside the mainstream. For instance, a young, ambitious Muslimah or Muslim won’t be content with merely matching the productivity of their peers. They strive to be with prophets, companions, scholars and righteous people. Therefore, they take them as models. It may be true that they can’t physically have all of them around themselves, but they read their books, learn their ways of life and listen to their talks. A Muslim nourishes his soul with extraordinary examples.

Until now, we have come to the conclusion that we can’t be satisfied to be as good as others and that we need greater people as reference. Does this imply that we shouldn’t be in contact with ‘average’ people?

Of course not. And nothing could be farther from the truth! Isolate yourself from society and you’ll find yourself having unrealistic expectations. You may be disciplined enough to get up early, take an ice-cold shower, run and listen to podcasts every single day, but this isn’t true for most of us. Restricting contact to others will make you lose sense.

Additionally, if you aim to make the world a better place, it’s crucial to stay engaged with your community. As a responsible member of society, you feel in charge of the things that people around you do. Isn’t our ultimate goal to have an impact on others? How will you ever motivate a single human, if you are afraid of talking to them?

For this, you’ll have to adapt to your target group. It doesn’t matter how big of a genius you are — if you can’t reach ’em, you can’t teach ’em. Our prophet (peace be upon him) was a master of communication. He spoke to a bandwidth of different people. There were incredibly eloquent poets on the one side, and illiterates and bedouins on the other side. But he was able to reach all of them with his speech. ‘Aishah (May Allah be pleased with her) reported:

The speech of Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) was so clear that all those who listened to it would understand it.

[Abu Dawud]

This is what allowed Islam to spread quickly among people from all socioeconomic backgrounds. But you have to distance yourself from their bad deeds and warn them, if appropriate. Otherwise, they will change you and not vice versa.

TL;DR

Most people around us can have a negative impact on our growth. Therefore, it’s necessary to pick role models and consciously try to minimize the influence of the rest of society. It is detrimental to isolate yourself from society, as this hinders you to have a lasting positive impact on others.

الله أعلم

Further Reading:

• If you are interested in psychological influences from others, normative and informational social influence is a good way to start.